Primary 6 have been editing their stories using technology. Ben produced this excellent story all about a pirate hunting for treasure. His use of openers was very good and his story was well rounded off. Notice also his use of ellipsis…
He unrolled the map. There it was the red x he had been looking for. He was in the middle of the jungle which was as hot as fire. All around him, were huge, bright green trees. He spotted a bear with its cub out of the corner of his eye. He followed the map carefully and finally there it was! He started digging as hard and as fast as he could. While he was digging, he found the entrance to a tunnel…
Slowly, he started walking through the tunnel. He didn’t know what way to go. Left, right or forward? He went with his gut instinct and went left. The tunnel was lit with candles so he could see his way. He could then see a group of candles around a shiny, gold object. As he moved closer, he could see it more clearly. A treasure chest.
Suddenly the ground collapsed, he fell to the ground to another tunnel that had a weird smell but he could see more clearly in the second tunnel. He saw a ghost in the distance. He was shocked, he went on walking like nothing happened. The ghost started sneaking up on him. The ghost started talking to him in a quiet whisper and offered to help find the treasure.
The ghost looked over his shoulder to see the map. It was not that clear to see what the old worn map said. The ghost was tricking the man. He was pretending to say that he didn’t know were he was going to find the treasure.
The ghost whispered, “Don’t be silly you fool loads of people come to find the treasure. You are the only person who has found it. I have been waiting for someone to try to find it but you were the one who found it. The treasure is hidden behind the wall. You kick the wall to get your treasure.” The man kicked the wall and it opened. There was a big room with loads of chests. They had labels on them. He opened one of them, it was filled with gold. He said “I am rich, I am very happy to find the treasure. Thank you mysterious ghost hooray!”